You don’t have fights. Quite the opposite; you have distance…too much distance…in this relationship. Over time, communication has dwindled down to ‘safe’ topics to avoid conflicts. You may have tried to talk before, to try to make things better…but it seemed to go nowhere. Now, conversations are superficial…careful…full of empty, awkward silences.
You also don’t have sex. Instead, you feel the pain, resentment and despair of not feeling desired by your partner. You imagine there must be something wrong with you–that you are not ‘good enough’. You hate this distance and are angry at your partner about it, but you feel helpless and don’t know how to bridge the distance.
You aren’t even sure what you are feeling at times. It’s as if your emotions are frozen inside…locked so far away that expressing them seems impossible. When emotions do come up, you are skilled at shutting them down. What’s the point of expressing them when they won’t be heard and will just make things more awkward?
This relationship seems hopeless. You don’t want to continue existing with your partner as a roommate; it’s too painful and lonely.
How I Help You
It’s all about the communication.
I know it’s about helping you both get in touch with what you are longing for from the other and helping you express it in a supportive yet honest manner. You need to be thawing those frozen emotions and needs and cautiously sharing those with your partner.
I work with you and your relationship in two phases:
Phase 1. I give you an a mental framework to understand your relationship and your distance in my “Hold Me Tight”® Communication Workshop for Couples. This workshop gives you a safe foundation to understand the why’s and how’s of your avoiding patterns. It begins the unlocking of your emotions by gentle exploration of what has not been expressed, but is felt inside. Lastly, you start to bridge the sexual distance by initiating conversations in a structured and supervised manner.
Optional Phase 2. The majority of my clients’ relationships are in such a better place after the Workshop, that weekly sessions are not needed. “Couples Who Live as Roommates” often want a bit more support though, to keep the momentum going. Due to that, you may decide to have follow-up sessions to improve your connection
I give you the language and tools to bridge the chasm of silence.