It’s like walking on eggshells.
You bring up something small and ‘snap!’ you two are arguing. This happens again and again, different topic, same fight.
And these fights are leaving scars, you are starting to think:
“I am not good enough.”
“He (she) will leave me eventually.”
“I am a failure.”
“I am not wanted.”
These arguments are starting over the smallest of things. You want to feel heard by your partner…you want them to care. It seems every time you try to talk to your partner, they shut down. It’s infuriating.
Or maybe you are the one who does the shutting down. It can feel like no matter what you do, it’s just never good enough. So you keep your mouth closed, eyes blank and hope the issue will blow over rather than get bigger, as it generally does.
Regardless of which role you take, you and your partner both end up feeling hurt, confused, and so alone.
You can remember when, long ago, you felt accepted and understood for who you were. Although you were not perfect, you were a team.
You want tools to get that connection back.
How Does Therapy Help My Relationship?
In therapy, you will learn how to have difficult conversations with each other in a way that you feel heard and understood by the other. Old hurts will be brought to light, discussed, and put to rest. You will feel like a team, again, as you address your pattern–together.
How I Work
I want you to succeed, so I include an additional step for couples with communication issues. My treatment for couples with communication issues involves two components: my Relationship Enhancement Workshop followed by Couples Sessions or Couples Coaching.
Address Your Communication Issues Directly:
Phase 1. I give you quick relief and a very concrete set of communication tools with my “Hold Me Tight®” Couples Workshop. This foundation is to be used immediately to improve your communication and connection.
I understand you may be apprehensive about taking a workshop at the beginning of our work together. I have consistently seen through the years that this initial step shortens the time you are in therapy, reduces the financial cost and increases the long-term effectiveness of change. Please read about the Workshop and ask questions if you have apprehensions about this approach.
“My wife and I were at a standstill, plagued by negative behaviors, and after 2 days I really feel like we’re in a much better place, feeling connected and understood and heard, something we’ve lacked for a long time. We’ve been given the tools to reconcile and improve, which I’m thankful for. Now it’s on us to do the work.” — Mark, Hold Me Tight attendee, 2018
Phase 2. After the Workshop is completed, we engage in follow-up work as needed in one of two ways.
Couples Sessions or Couples Coaching: Your Choice
It may be your relationship is better but serious damage happened through the year and you want consistent weekly or bi-weekly appointments to hone the skills you learned and to address additional issues
You may surprise yourself with how much you learn from the Workshop and may want to use my Couples Coaching instead. These are video sessions I do with you where I coach you through practicing the tools you learned until they become second nature (rather than that conflict that is TOO familiar).
By learning how to connect and communicate better in the Workshop and then practicing those tools with traditional sessions, you will feel heard and understood.
“Hold Me Tight®” is a registered trademark to Sue Johnson